Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
