at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
