i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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