dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
