Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
