Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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