You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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