If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
