My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Come see our sink grown plant.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
