I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
