We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
