I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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