I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
