Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
