My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
