so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
