Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
