Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize