I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
