from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
