I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
