your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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