Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
