$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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