there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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