everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
