..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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