If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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