If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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