Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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