Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
