I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
