i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
