one might say we're banned from that church
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
