At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
