I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
