i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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