Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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