It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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