this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
