She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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