conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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