the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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