Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
