The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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