Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
