We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
