sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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