You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
