It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
