Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
