she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
