I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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