Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
