if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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