did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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