actually, I'm a sock model
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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