What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
