i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
