I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
