Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
