my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
