OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
