party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize