Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
