I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
